Pawn Shop Preciousness

If you ever have an open afternoon available to you then I would suggest grabbing a good friend and hitting up your local pawn shop. You may be thinking… there are no pawn shops nearby… that or… what the heck is a pawn shop? But if you consult your good ole Google maps or just drive in the direction of the ghetto side of town then you will find pawn shops aplenty with treasures for one and all.

Do you have an engagement coming up? To my surprise I found several stunning wedding bands for men and women. Who says gold is old? They have plenty of sweet diamond studded gold bands from broken marriages or failed engagements. They even had some titanium rings that are indestructible for reduced prices, or best offer.

Not only that but you can diversify your life with the rich amount of timeless second-hand items. For instance there were a couple drywall stilts. Typically they are for construction workers but how awesome would you be in the eyes of your date if you pulled out stilts for the two of you to use the remainder of the night… you’d be flying high! There are also several ridiculous replicas of swords that you could mount to your wall or show off to all your medieval friends.
Looking to start your own band? Hot guitars in various colors come standard with crappy band stickers already attached. Amps and stands and even funky old guitar straps are available for those seeking a retro type of look without giving your money to the man. Who needs rock band when you can rock out with someone’s old trashy guitar?!

At last I come to “le crème de le crème” of pawn shop perusal: bartering with the salesman. Anyone who is pawn shop savvy will tell you that all items are OBO (or best offer) and that they are way overpriced for their age and condition. So if you know the product well enough you can let the salesman know what his item is really worth. For those not as street smart the a good salesmen will take some money off the tag at the register to round it off to an even number because most pawn shoppers pay with cash.

I went with my friend this last Friday and found a “diamond in the dunghill.” For $5 I was able to become the proud owner of the Snakmaster. This hot sandwich maker was in pristine condition with no real signs of use. All my wildest hot sandwich making fantasies had come true with little investment in time on my Friday afternoon and the paper memorial of Lincoln’s beautiful face.

Nachos Nuevos Del Diablo

It is amazing that everyone is so enthralled by receiving something for free. Look around, among your friends and think about how many of them would drop everything if they found out that Baskin Robbins was handing out free ice cream. I mean our society has several proverbs regarding being grateful for what we have received like “Never look a gift horse in the mouth.”

This brings us to the crux of the matter… Nachos Nuevos from Applebees. It was a Thursday night, half off appetizers at Applebees. My roommates were so insistent on going and I went despite still being full from lunch. So we all hopped in my friend’s car and drove there laughing about how it was also open mic night for stand-up comedians. I was set on not buying anything and just eating the leftovers from everyone else’s sampler tray. But after seeing that on the menu they had some nachos and it would be half off I caved and went for it.

So after listening to some lame stand-up comedy for about ten minutes they came out with all of our food. I had the nachos with all its lovely sour cream, meat, and cheese over crisp flour tortilla chips. The nachos were really good, and while I was enjoying them thoroughly the waiter brought out another order of nachos saying that he thought the other nachos were too cold. So there I was with too huge plates of Nachos Nuevos with nothing to do but down them.

With the help of my friends I was able to finish them off for all intensive purposes. However I probably ate one and a half platters of nachos. And the second set of nachos that the waiter claimed to be fresh didn’t even have cheese on it! I got home and began realizing the depth of my mistake of eating so many nachos. The next morning I awoke with a full stomach that began to hurt during my morning class. I got to the point where I felt like I was going to projectile vomit. Thanks to a strong desire not to puke and taking things easy I came out ok. However it was the most painful overeating aftermath that I have had in quite some time.

Though the case may be made that I should have just boxed up the nachos, but everyone knows that day old nachos or even 30 minute old nachos just aren’t as enjoyable. The moral of the story is that “there is no such thing as a free lunch.”